Timing Isn't Everything

Excerpt From Jane's World

Imagine this scene. Occasionally on Saturday or Sunday, after we’ve taken the pups to the woods, we like to treat ourselves to a “road breakfast.” That’s the name we’ve coined for breakfast at a restaurant. I order the same omelet every time. Dane occasionally shakes things up but usually orders two scrambled eggs with sausage patties, hash browns, and a side of pancakes with extra syrup. Sometimes he’ll order toast.

When our meal comes, I start eating, of course. Halfway through my omelet I look up and see that Dane is just putting down the salt and pepper shaker. He has buttered his pancakes with as much care as Leonardo painting the Mona Lisa, and has drizzled one container of syrup over them in a lazy, circular motion. The extra container gets poured ceremoniously in the same circular motion on the bottom pancake while he holds the top one up with the tines of his fork. Now he’s busy using the bottom of his fork to push his salted-and-peppered hash browns into a neat pile that doesn’t touch his eggs or, God forbid, his sausage patties.

When Dane notices me staring with my fork halfway to my open mouth, he smiles. I say, “I hope you’re able to start eating now. Nothing seems to be touching.” But I’m thinking, and apparently muttering, “Oh my gosh, you’re crazy!” This is enough to make us both start laughing.

Finally, Dane lifts his fork for his first bite of eggs, and I almost dare to hope that now he’s ready to simply eat—but I know better. I secretly watch him and I’m not disappointed. He’s using the bottom of his fork again to reposition those eggs that he seems to think got out of line with that first bite. He looks up, sees me watching, and starts belly laughing for all it’s worth as I slap my head and say, “Seriously!?”

Meanwhile, I’ve already finished my omelet and a piece of toast. Dane has finished nothing, except maybe his third cup of coffee. This is how it is every single time we eat together—at home, on a picnic, at my family’s, at friends’ houses. We have the worst food timing of any couple I know.

Curious about the beginning and end? Read the rest of the story in the Crawford County Independent & Kickapoo Scout.

Originally Published May 25th, 2017 in the Crawford County Independent & Kickapoo Scout