Locked Out

Excerpt from Jane's World

I've learned that living in a rural area means that occasionally I'll have cause to call the sheriff's office. I lived in a suburb of Milwaukee for years and never once had to call them. Once, okay twice, my mom called the police. That was different, or seemed different, because she called to alert them that my dad had started the field next to our house on fire. A few years later she called when my dad started our house on fire, trying to burn a wasp's nest. She should have been calling the fire department, but that's a completely different story entitled, "My Dad Is a Pyromaniac."

I'm proud that I haven’t had to call the sheriff's department for some time now. When I called this past Wednesday, there was a pause before someone answered. During that time, I imagined the conversation to follow: “Hi Jane. What's going on?"

"Oh, just calling to see how your all are doing?"

Not! Instead: “Hi. I'm locked out of my house.”

"Why?"

"Because the doors are both locked. I think the neighbor stopped again to use my toilet and accidentally locked my door on the way out."

"Whaaat?"

"Well...I didn't lock the door. I don't have a key."

Originally Published November 17th, 2016 in the Crawford County Independent & Kickapoo Scout